So, after all the worry, this did turn out to be our month! By my calculations, our first baby is due on Thursday 4th December 2014. It’s been quite a week! I really thought we were out of the running, but on Monday I just didn’t feel myself. Not unwell, but different. I’d had some spotting – bright red at first and then dark brown, which made me think I was just having a light period. But by Tuesday I had that niggling feeling that maybe, just maybe it was worth doing a test. I wandered off into town and bought a couple of HPTs from Superdrug. The intention was to do a test when I got home. However, when I got back to work I just couldn’t wait and very unglamorously took the test in the loo at work! I guess I was just expecting to be disappointed again, so wasn’t too bothered. Lo and behold, there it was! The two pink lines I’d thought I’d never see! I was gob smacked and over the moon, but had five minutes to get to class! The lesson I taught was a bit of a blur. To say my mind was all over the place would be an understatement!
At lunchtime, I couldn’t wait to call The Farmer to tell him our good news. I would rather have told him in person, but knew he wouldn’t be home until 11pm. Imagine walking in from work totally exhausted, trying to process that kind of news and then fall asleep! I called him at 1pm and his initial reaction wasn’t quite what I expected. I asked him if he was sitting down, then took the poor lad totally by surprise. He sounded a bit shell shocked, so I panicked and asked if he was happy, which he said he was. I asked if he was scared, which he said he was. ‘It’s just a lot of responsibility, isn’t it?’ I called again about half an hour later and he seemed a little better thankfully. Just as well I didn’t wait until 11pm. I think he might have cried!
The next day, I was all over the place and couldn’t focus on anything at all. All I have thought about since Tuesday is baby, baby, baby! I went and bought myself a Clear Blue Digital with conception indicator, just to double check. Seeing the word ‘Pregnant’ on the display made it so much more real. That’s when I started to get nervous. That’s when I started to think about the 15-20% of pregnancies that end in miscarriage. I swear I’m my own worst enemy, over thinking everything. I keep finding myself sitting or lying cross-legged, which I think is some strange psychological response to almost keep the baby in! I’m crazy lol!
I ended up telling my parents, as I’m spending a lot of time with them at the moment. I also found myself in desperate need of someone to talk to, someone to ask questions, someone to share my excitement with. The Farmer has been great and I can tell that he’s super excited too, but he’s just nervous and worried about getting his hopes up. It’s been easier to get pregnant than we ever expected, so I think we’re both nervous that staying pregnant might be more of an obstacle. The 12 week scan can’t come soon enough! Unfortunately, that seems an awful long time away. Possibly more daunting than the two week wait.
My week has been filled with reading – I bought myself ‘What to expect when you’re expecting’ and I’ve downloaded some great apps that are answering all my questions and helping to ease my worries(ish!) I had some dizziness on Thursday and Friday, then today my stomach has been doing somersaults all day. I guess it’s all signs that my body is doing what it’s supposed to be doing, but every little cramp, every little niggle is, if I’m honest, freaking me out a bit. I have a crazy urge to test every day (I haven’t though) to make sure that I’m still pregnant and that it wasn’t a dream. I saw my GP on Wednesday, so I guess once I get my results from him on Monday lunchtime it will sink in properly. Then, once I am contacted by the midwife, I think (hope) I’ll start to ease up on myself a little.
I break up for the Easter holidays on Friday 4th April, so that will give me two weeks away from the stresses of teaching to relax and start to enjoy my pregnancy! My pregnancy! My baby! I just hope that this little one stays put and does as it’s told!
It’s been wonderful sharing some tender moments together already, waking up to my usual three kisses from The Farmer and having him ask ‘How’s my little seed doing this morning?’ as he places his hand protectively on my tummy. These are moments I’ll cherish forever and I feel truly blessed to be sharing them with such an amazing husband!